How to make it work

Hey guys. I’ve got a question for you.

Why are relationships so difficult? And I not only mean couples. I mean every single kind of relationship. Sisters and friends and even the one you have with yourself. It’s just not fun dealing with them. I’ve had so many set backs in relationships in my life, I couldn’t count them even if my life depended on it and I know I’m not the only one here.

And it’s not only that you need to take care of the ones you’re having with other people – there’s always that one friend or family member who has a problem and wants to ramble about it with you or needs your help or your advice. The world is full of relationship problems – it sometimes makes me wonder why we deal with them in the first place.

You know, I’m considering myself as a very weird person to deal with. I know I’m far from easy to handle but I’m giving my best even if – considering my psychological status – it might not come across as much. But still I’m trying. I like to think that everyone does. It’s just that sometimes its so hard to let go and understand. Or even if you understand the problem, it’s just so hard to change things. Sometimes change IS the death of said relationship. Sometimes you try but everything seems to be in vain and you keep wondering why you haven’t given up yet and can’t find the answer to that question anywhere. Or you don’t want to find it because you know it would hurt or just really screw you up in a very gross way.

Sometimes these tiny little problems show up without warning and before you even realize what you just did or said upset someone, you find yourself stricken in half hearted excuses or completely annoyed at the subject of said problem. Maybe you’ve already gone over it a thousand times and you keep claiming and discussing the same stuff to no avail. And soon enough you feel like someone or something stirs your feelings like a farmer would plow his field. It seems so wrong.

Like you can never make it right. Really right. And on the other hand no one can make it perfect for you. There’s always gonna be pain or distrust or resentment at some point. You never get over it. And the closer you get, the riskier it gets. These negative things feel like hurdles you can’t jump over. You just keep spinning around them to avoid them until you suddenly turn too sharply and it’s already too late to turn back or stir in another direction because you’ve been too close for that to begin with. It’s gonna take a while to get back to spinning around again. We in Austria call that Drahtseilakt. Feeling always on edge, feeling like everything can turn around in just a few seconds. It only takes one word, one gesture, one moment to ruin it all. At least for a little time.

Okay, maybe I’m being too dramatic here… It’s just that I’ve witnessed some pretty bad miscommunications and discussions over christmas and I feel sad for that. Sometimes you want so badly to make it right but you just…you just can’t. And you cannot make the other one understand either. There’s always a way if the two of you pull in the same direction. But as long as the relationship lasts, there’s always gonna be fighting material as well. The more time you spend together, the harder it gets. The longer you wait, the more it will hurt. I just hope it’s not too late. I hope we all can pull in the same direction. I hope we all have the strengh and the will to make it through.

…Just throwing that out there. I’m sorry for this out of context writing. I just needed to get that down I guess. It seems like this is gonna be my last post for this year. It’s certainly not gonna be my last ever. If I have any New Year resolutions it’s definitely to write more posts on here than just one for each month.

We’ll see how I get to that. I wish you all a Happy New Year. May your start be merrier than mine and until next time…take good care.

– signed A

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The new years eve desaster

So I’m back. New year was alright. If you don’t consider the fact that I went to a party I wasn’t even sure whether I wanted to attend it and a good friend cancelled on. Later when I was on my way there – still thinking about changing plans – the host (who was my best friend. You know, the one I’m not sure what to do about) told me almost everyone cancelled. Let me explain. She invited at least ten people. Ten. Some weren’t sure about their plans (some might not even be sure about them even after New Year but whatever…) and said they’d tell her later. Some – and I’m talking about a total of seven people – gave their word they’d come. Well guess what? They didn’t. We ended up a total of three people with one of them being the host.

THREE. I mean…are you kidding me? Is that socially acceptable? Like, you know… It’s not like they cancelled three days ago or a week before the party. No – most of them cancelled the exact same day the party was hosted. One of them didn’t even write until one hour after the party had started. What the hell?? Do they even know how much effort you put in a party making sure everyone is about to have a good time? My friend had bought food (and I’m talking LOTS of food here!), drinks, she tried to make out a place where we could all watch the fireworks together and even bought some games for us to play and have fun with until it was time to leave. She’d made a real effort here and then everyone cancelled and now she’s sitting on all the stuff she bought because most of it was already in bowls and whatnot or just nothing she could return by any chance. It’s just not fair.

I was really angry with them (even though I only know one person who cancelled and I have to say this one had a really good reason for it). I mean they already accepted the offer. And when you accept an offer you don’t just pull back because it’s more convenient with you five hours later. Seriously. You can’t buy a car, bring it back ten hours later just because you found a better one or it just so happens that you kinda don’t want a new car anymore. It just doesn’t work that way. Also the people who said they weren’t sure if they wanted to come. When are you gonna tell me?? Three hours before the party starts? Should I buy you food and get an extra chair or anything?? What’s the problem these days with just saying yes or no to something and then having either an effing good reason to chance plans or attending no matter what. “I kinda don’t feel motivated even though you care and I already said yes” isn’t gonna cut it! Saying nothing at all when you said you’d think about it and tell later isn’t gonna cut it either! It’s not only impolite, it hurts. Somehow you start to think you’re not good enough or liked enough. Like nobody cares even though you do. And that’s a horrible feeling. I know!

But these days it really seems to become a big problem… When older people tell me they made plans, somehow it always works out so that everyone comes and this reaches back to when they were as young as I am now. Today you can’t even make a chilled homeparty because you never know how many people will come even if they already promised to. It makes me sad… It made me sad on New Years Eve too. But mostly I was angry.

And yeah.. I know I was thinking about cancelling too… Before you ask – yes, I do feel bad for that and I’m not gonna pull myself out of this one with a simple “but I have a sick mind. I can do that.” or “but our relationship is really difficult right now.” Yeah it is. But consider that before you say yes. There was just one point where I told her I might not be able to come and that was because I was sick one day before the party and as you know I had to start work two days later. Cancelling would have been legit. Although somehow I knew I wouldn’t really do that. I was playing with the thought but what drove me out of my house was exactly the point I’m trying to make here. Don’t just cancel plans with friends. It might just seem like a homeparty with many people where you don’t matter. But most likely you matter to the host and planning a party and nobody actually attending it is really harsh on everyone. Also not feeling important enough to get an answer, an apology or having to wait for a direct answer until the party actually starts. I don’t know why so many people do it. I know why I feel like doing it sometimes and I feel bad every single time. But in the end being vague makes everything complicated and certainly doesn’t maintain trust.

So next time you’re invited to something…think about it first and then make sure to either go, say no as soon as possible (which is also no problem if told soon enough!) or try to make it up to them somehow. but please don’t think nobody cares and nobody gets hurt. That’s just bull**** and making it easy on yourself. It’s something I have to consider too… I just realized that day that I’m far from perfect.

Everything else – jobwise and what really happened after the fireworks…that’s a completely different story. I promise I’ll update soon, I just had to get that out of here. So until then…

Have a good day and take care.

– signed A