surprise, surprise! I’m back. It took me a long while to get back to my blog, mostly because work is exhausting and tbh not much has changed since last time. Next week should be a little warmer than before, the sun’s coming out to play and it’s nice to feel it’s warmth on my skin when I’m on my way to work or home. I’m still struggling with it all though. Mostly – I suppose – because everything else is on hold still. I did not manage to write more, I did not call anyone for help though there was this one day where I was this close to it.
So you see, nothing too exciting going on here. But just in case you have a little time on your hands and don’t know what to do with it… I’ll put something out here for you.
On Wednesday I was out with some friends in a karaoke bar. I think we all get this overwhelming nervousness when we sit in front of that folder with songs listed from A to Z, the possibility to fail miserably somwhere in between those 3 to 4 minutes of space-related fame. I always find myself in doubt whether I even want to put up with my fear and just get a song over with or if I should just keep my head down and forget I’m supposed to be singing in the first place. But the thought clings to me like an itch and I find myself giving in more often than not. Every single song I write down is hard-fought and I struggle to get up and hand in my submission. And then it begins… The waiting. I start to sweat a little, my hands get cold and suddenly having fun is something I have to be reminded of. I keep asking myself why I do this to myself. And when I see that my name and song is next I feel a shiver running down my spine. Every. Time. This time was no different.
The cool thing about karaoke bars is, that once you throw your fears overboard you WILL have fun. Everybody likes music, everyone is here for the very same reason and nobody really judges you – or when they do, they normally do it descretely until – and there will always be- someone comes along who’s worse than you are. And it’s okay. You all just wanna have fun, right? My favorite thing thoug has nothing to do with singing myself. I love the change in a group that I see happening in karaoke bars at almost every table. You get there and the first thing 80% of the people in said group claim they will NOT sing! Never ever! And soon enough you find them sitting with the folders in their laps still claiming ‘it’s a cool song but nobody’s gonna get me to sing’. Until they find this particular song that somehow everybody likes and everybody knows and then their whole determination shifts. Suddenly it’s not ‘forget it! I’m not gonna sing tonight’ but it’s ‘okay, so, if i’m not holding the mic and you’re gonna sing along, then maybe, MAYBE I might just sing that song.’ More often than not these very people WILL hold the mic at the end of the song and sing it with just as much determination as they had claimed not to sing at all this evening just half an hour ago. I love to see that. It’s amazing what music can do to people and I am sure that it’s exactly these guys who have the most fun in these bars – good voice or not.
But back to my story: As I wrote in a post before, I’m a pretty decent singer. Some people might think I’m even more than that but I like to keep it at decent as long as I haven’t put any work in my voice at all. Anyway – the people at the bar liked it and it was good to finally hear something positive from strangers after these cold and grey days. Their heartfelt compliments made me happy and gave me a really good feeling for the rest of the night. I was so thankful. Exactly what I needed. And despite the fact that I KNOW I’ll react exactly the same way next time I’m at a karaoke bar, I need to remember that this is a challenge I can accept and once accomplished – I’m proud of too.
Other than that I’ve been learning Welsh for the past couple of weeks. A few minutes here and there and I have to say, I’m satisfied with myself. I might still lack the vocabs but small talk is something I should be able to have and it wasn’t even hard to do. The small dosis fo a day does it for me. It’s awesome. Oh, in case you’re wondering – my interest in Wales and the welsh language comes from a character of one of my stories. He’s from Wales and it all started with me wondering what his conversations at home would sound like, if he – in fact – had knowledge of the welsh language. It’s sad to see old languages like Welsh dying out so I thought I’d do something good for myself and culture and learn some words which now resulted in me wanting to speak it somewhat fluently. Or at least understand what people are talking about should I ever come visit.
I can’t think of anything else to tell you right now, thoug I dread to post this… I’m sure it’s awfully boring to read. Whatever, at least no whining this time 😉 No explaining either, but considering I’m not giving up yet, there’s plenty of time left. So until next time…
Have a good day and take care. Hwyl!
– signed A