So I’m back. New year was alright. If you don’t consider the fact that I went to a party I wasn’t even sure whether I wanted to attend it and a good friend cancelled on. Later when I was on my way there – still thinking about changing plans – the host (who was my best friend. You know, the one I’m not sure what to do about) told me almost everyone cancelled. Let me explain. She invited at least ten people. Ten. Some weren’t sure about their plans (some might not even be sure about them even after New Year but whatever…) and said they’d tell her later. Some – and I’m talking about a total of seven people – gave their word they’d come. Well guess what? They didn’t. We ended up a total of three people with one of them being the host.
THREE. I mean…are you kidding me? Is that socially acceptable? Like, you know… It’s not like they cancelled three days ago or a week before the party. No – most of them cancelled the exact same day the party was hosted. One of them didn’t even write until one hour after the party had started. What the hell?? Do they even know how much effort you put in a party making sure everyone is about to have a good time? My friend had bought food (and I’m talking LOTS of food here!), drinks, she tried to make out a place where we could all watch the fireworks together and even bought some games for us to play and have fun with until it was time to leave. She’d made a real effort here and then everyone cancelled and now she’s sitting on all the stuff she bought because most of it was already in bowls and whatnot or just nothing she could return by any chance. It’s just not fair.
I was really angry with them (even though I only know one person who cancelled and I have to say this one had a really good reason for it). I mean they already accepted the offer. And when you accept an offer you don’t just pull back because it’s more convenient with you five hours later. Seriously. You can’t buy a car, bring it back ten hours later just because you found a better one or it just so happens that you kinda don’t want a new car anymore. It just doesn’t work that way. Also the people who said they weren’t sure if they wanted to come. When are you gonna tell me?? Three hours before the party starts? Should I buy you food and get an extra chair or anything?? What’s the problem these days with just saying yes or no to something and then having either an effing good reason to chance plans or attending no matter what. “I kinda don’t feel motivated even though you care and I already said yes” isn’t gonna cut it! Saying nothing at all when you said you’d think about it and tell later isn’t gonna cut it either! It’s not only impolite, it hurts. Somehow you start to think you’re not good enough or liked enough. Like nobody cares even though you do. And that’s a horrible feeling. I know!
But these days it really seems to become a big problem… When older people tell me they made plans, somehow it always works out so that everyone comes and this reaches back to when they were as young as I am now. Today you can’t even make a chilled homeparty because you never know how many people will come even if they already promised to. It makes me sad… It made me sad on New Years Eve too. But mostly I was angry.
And yeah.. I know I was thinking about cancelling too… Before you ask – yes, I do feel bad for that and I’m not gonna pull myself out of this one with a simple “but I have a sick mind. I can do that.” or “but our relationship is really difficult right now.” Yeah it is. But consider that before you say yes. There was just one point where I told her I might not be able to come and that was because I was sick one day before the party and as you know I had to start work two days later. Cancelling would have been legit. Although somehow I knew I wouldn’t really do that. I was playing with the thought but what drove me out of my house was exactly the point I’m trying to make here. Don’t just cancel plans with friends. It might just seem like a homeparty with many people where you don’t matter. But most likely you matter to the host and planning a party and nobody actually attending it is really harsh on everyone. Also not feeling important enough to get an answer, an apology or having to wait for a direct answer until the party actually starts. I don’t know why so many people do it. I know why I feel like doing it sometimes and I feel bad every single time. But in the end being vague makes everything complicated and certainly doesn’t maintain trust.
So next time you’re invited to something…think about it first and then make sure to either go, say no as soon as possible (which is also no problem if told soon enough!) or try to make it up to them somehow. but please don’t think nobody cares and nobody gets hurt. That’s just bull**** and making it easy on yourself. It’s something I have to consider too… I just realized that day that I’m far from perfect.
Everything else – jobwise and what really happened after the fireworks…that’s a completely different story. I promise I’ll update soon, I just had to get that out of here. So until then…
Have a good day and take care.
– signed A